Roses

Colors are a large part of non-verbal communication. They are assigned all sorts of meanings in different cultures. However, there is a general view of what colors mean when it comes to roses.

	red Red roses are the traditional symbol for love and romance, and a time-honored way to say "I love you." The red rose has long symbolized beauty and perfection. A bouquet of red roses is the perfect way to express your deep feelings for someone special.
	pink As a symbol of grace and elegance, the pink rose is often given as an expression of admiration. Pink roses can also convey appreciation as well as joyfulness. Pink rose bouquets often impart a gentler meaning than their red counterparts.
	yellow The bright, sunny color of yellow roses evokes a feeling of warmth and happiness. The warm feelings associated with the yellow rose are often akin to those shared with a true friend. As such, the yellow rose is an ideal symbol for joy and friendship.
	white White roses represent innocence and purity and are traditionally associated with marriages and new beginnings. The white rose is also a symbol of honor and reverence, and white rose arrangements are often used as an expression of remembrance.
	orange With their blazing energy, orange roses are the embodiment of desire and enthusiasm. Orange roses often symbolize passion and excitement and are an expression of fervent romance. A bouquet of orange roses will send a meaningful message.
	lavender The unique beauty of the lavender rose has captured many hearts and imaginations. With their fantastical appearance, lavender roses are a perfect symbol of enchantment. The lavender rose is also traditionally used to express feelings of love at first sight.

Fact-Inference Confusion

Statements made by people can be either factual or inferential. Factual statements are made by an observer after observation. Therefore, it is limited to what is observed only. For example, if I were to say "Ashreen is wearing a leopard print jacket." it would be factual as everyone can see that she is indeed wearing one.

An inferential statement, on the other hand, is giving your own meaning or interpretation. It may or may not be true or perhaps it is something that is only true in certain circumstances. Therefore, all sorts of problems can arise from inferential statements when people take them in as factual statements.

For example, before I met Little Ashreen, I was told that she is stuck up. Upon getting to know her, I have found her to be the complete opposite. The person had made that inferential statement based on their rocky relationship and his own personal feelings.

Therefore, we have to be careful about these two different types of statements to avoid making mistakes in judgment.

Tan Huey Li

Romantic Rules

Leslie Baxter has identified 8 major romantic rules. Many believe these are necessary for a successful relationship.

The 8 rules are:

1. Acknowledge each other's individual identities and lives beyond the relationship.

- It is important to have hobbies, activities and friends outside of your relationship. This is so that you have space and won't get too sick of each other!

2. Express similar attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests.

- Although the saying "opposites attract" is very popular, it usually isn't true. People are more often drawn to those they have things in common with. If you are to spend the rest of your life together, you're going to have to be able to do stuff together and agree on the most fundamental views on life!

3. Enhance each other's self-worth and self-esteem.

- You should always be able to turn to your partner for pats on the back! Always congratulate your partner and celebrate all little achievements! As for failures, always make sure you are there to comfort them when they're down.

4. Be open, genuine, and authentic with each other.

- Open up to your partner. Share as many details of your life as you could. Say nice things to them but only if you mean it! Always thank them and show appreciation for all the little things they do for you.

5. Remain loyal and faithful to each other.

- There is no such thing as an open relationship. An open relationship is not a proper relationship! Never cheat on your partner because even if they decide to forgive you, they will never be able to trust you fully again.

6. Have substantial shared time together

- To bond as a couple, you will have to spend time together. Do things you both enjoy so that you can look back on the course of your relationship and bring back fond memories.

7. Reap rewards commensurate with their investments relative to the other party.

- For a relationship to work, both parties have to put in equal effort. Both have to feel like they are working together and are on the same page. They also have to get back as much out of the relationship as they're putting in to avoid dissatisfaction.

8. Experience a mysterious and inexplicable "magic" in each other's presence.

- Basically, you have to have the right chemistry with your partner. If you don't, no matter how much effort you put into it, the relationship still wouldn't work out!

Although we'd all like to think that it's just about meeting the prince, falling in love and living happily ever after, the happily ever after part actually takes a lot of work. So we do have to follow rules. After all, nothing comes easy!

Tan Huey Li

First Impressions

Many say that first impressions are extremely important and affect your entire relationship with that person. Hence, we should be careful about the image we present. There are 4 sections of non-verbal impressions we give:

1. Credibility

People make judgements based on how competent and believable you are. Therefore, don't talk rubbish! Don't say anything unless you're sure it's right! Don't take on responsibilities unless you're sure you can carry it out well!

2. Attractiveness

People make judgements based on how attractive they find you. Therefore, make an effort to look good! Take extra care of your personal hygiene, spritz some perfume on and dress well!

3. Likeability

People make judgements about your entire personality based on how much they like or dislike you. Therefore, make an effort to be pleasant and friendly. A smile never fails!

4. Dominance

People make judgements about you based on how powerful they think you are. Therefore, be confident! Don't let shyness of nervousness show!

By following these simple rules, you will make better first impressions. You'll find that so much will go more smoothly if you are able to present yourself well!

Tan Huey Li

Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment is often a large worry for authorities in large companies. This is because it is something that occurs so often but is sometimes hard to define and get to the bottom of. It is also a problem in colleges and many students may not be aware of what is considered sexual harassment or they don't know what to do about it.

There are two types of sexual harassment:

1. Quid pro quo harassment

When a person in a higher position demands sexual favors in return for rewards or to avoid punishment. An example of quid pro quo harassment in a college environment would be a lecturer demanding sexual favors from a student and threatening to fail the student if he/she is unwilling to participate.

2. Hostile environment harassment

This form of sexual harassment has a much broader scope. It can come from a lecturer as well as fellow students or other members of the faculty. Basically it is use of sexual language or gestures as well as unwelcome sexual advances.

Sexual harassment is usually annoying but can get so bad that you are actually traumatized. So when you feel the need, be sure to report to a higher authority to solve the problem!

Tan Huey Li

Pretending to Listen?

Many of us don't listen to every person who speaks to us. Most of the time we just pretend to when nothing they say actually registers in our minds. But as Robert Welch says "You can't fake listening, it shows."

So here are a few signs of a person PRETENDING to listen:

1. Giving no feedback, remaining relatively motionless and expressionless. This is called being a static listener.

2. Gives response but the response does not vary no matter what you say. For example, they might just say "Mmhmm....mmhmmm....mmhmm" the whole time the conversation is going on no matter what you're saying. This is called being a monotonous feedback giver.

3. Reacts to everything with extreme responses. For example, they would respond to every little thing you say with loud exclamations of "Oh my god! No way!" and so on. This is called being an overly expressive listener.

4. They look all around the room and at other things or other people but refuse to meet your eyes. This is called being an eye avoider.

5. Divides their attention between you (the speaker) and other things such as their cellphones or the television. This is called being a preoccupied listener.

6. Show very obviously that they don't really care about what you're saying and are just waiting for you to pause so that they can speak and express their views while completely disregarding yours. This is called being a waiting listener.

7. Listen a little and then finish your thought. For example, you say "I feel..." and the other person butts in and says "angry?" These types of listeners think they know you better than you know yourself which can be very irritating. They are called the thought completing listeners.

Now that you are aware of the signs, you will be able to tell if someone isn't listening so that you can either tell them off or just stop wasting your efforts! As a listener, you can now be more careful and make more effort to listen properly!

Tan Huey Li

It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken

"When hearts break no they don't break even." - The Script-

I find this line to be extremely true. This may be because one party is emotionally stronger than the other. But most of the time, it is because the one party is more aware of the deterioration of the relationship and therefore has more time to prepare.

There are several signs and characteristics of a deteriorating relationship. If we were more aware of these signs, we may be better prepared for break-ups.

1. Withdrawal

Non- withdrawal: Less eye contact, less affection (touching, hugging, etc.) and you will find certain items disappearing such as couple rings/t-shirts/keychains and gifts that were given by the other person.

Verbal: The person will talk less and respond less to what you're saying.

2. Decline in self-disclosure

It is normal, necessary in fact, for a couple to communicate a lot when they are in a relationship. They usually tell each other all the details about their lives and confide in their partners when they face problems and dilemmas. In a deteriorating relationship, this happens less and less. You may often get short replies for questions asked and some may even avoid communication by not replying messages or answering calls for long periods of time.

3. Deception

At this stage, building trust is no longer the priority in the relationship. Some lie to avoid talking about problems by pretending to be busy and therefore have no time to communicate. The worst part about this stage is when a dissatisfied partner starts flirting with other people and perhaps even cheating. Soon, you will find yourself hearing things from those around you and while you would like to trust your partners, it is important to look into what others are saying.

4. Negative versus positive messages

When a relationship is going well, there will be a lot of compliments and terms of endearment all the time. However, at the deterioration stage, all that turns into criticism. You become more judgmental and a lot less patient!

Pay attention to the signs and you could save yourself the shock of an ending relationship or perhaps even work harder to make things right.

Tan Huey Li

Dress for Success

Many think that people who are fashion-conscious are vain or shallow. Little do they know, those who are concerned about the way they are dressed are one step ahead of those who don't. This is because they way you look greatly influences the way people think about you. Therefore, if you're not paying much attention to your appearance, it's time to start now!

Here are the few areas you should be concerned about:

1. Neatness

Wearing well-maintained clothes gives people the impression that you are a steady, reliable person. This would benefit you as you may improve your chances of getting a desired job because the employers view you as trustworthy.

On the other hand, if your clothes are constantly in a state of disarray, many are going to think you are a lazy, sloppy, unreliable person.

2. Style

Whether you like it or not, people are going to make assumptions on your confidence level based on your dressing style. For example, someone who wears trendy clothes is seen to be more confident and attractive while those who can't be bothered and simply leave the house in baggy tees will be seen as someone with low self-esteem.

The clothes you wear also says a lot about your personality. Someone who wears bright colors and prints is seen as a bubbly, outgoing person

So spend a little time to pick out something that you feel suits your personality best. This is a lot more fun than you think!

3. Jewelry & piercing

Jewelry is often used as symbols that communicate a specific message. For example, wedding bands, engagement rings or lack of either signifies a person's marital status. College rings and political badges show support. Other items such as expensive watches and jewelry signify a higher status.

Piercings, on the other hand, often gives people the impression that a person is a rebel and are unwilling to conform. While this may seem cool to your peers, you may find that those of higher authorities are prejudiced against you.

4. Hairstyle

Like clothes, your hairstyle says a lot about you. A fashionable hairstyle may say that you're high maintenance or up to date. A basic hairstyle will say that you are practical and reliable. A messy hairstyle shows that you can't be bothered.

As you can see, it is important to maintain your style and physical appearance as it is a form of self presentation that is very important in achieving success in life.

Tan Huey Li

Self-disclosure

Self-disclosure is basically revealing something personal and not openly known to another person, whether they are facts, events in your past or your feelings about something or someone.

Many of us have problems with self-disclosure. Some of us find it hard to open up to others and allow them to get close enough to hurt us. This is usually caused by a bad experience in the past. However, it is self- disclosure that helps us forge ties with others. When you share your problems with another person, you may think of it as giving them the ability to hurt you. But it also gives them the ability to advice you, to support you, to help you make things right or even make you feel better!

Then again, there are the people who can't seem to keep their mouths shut and self-disclose WAY TOO MUCH! It may even come to a point where the people around you start to find you annoying as you won't stop going on and on about yourself and your problems! Furthermore, by over-sharing, you are giving people a lot they could use against you!

So how do you know when it is ok to self-disclose? Simple. It isn't so much about what you share but about who you share it with.

"What defines a best friend? What are the requirements to be a good best friend? How many hours a week does it entail? Stupid questions that have no answers. A best friend is not defined by how many times they talk on the phone, or how many hours they hang out together.

It is not defined by how many sleepovers they gossip at, or how many inside jokes they have. There are no requirements or laws that state that a good best friend must hang out with them every weekend, or tell each other every little detail. A best friend is a matter of opinion.

It is the person who has been there for you through everything, not just through the fun things, or the little things. It is the person that you call when you are at your absolute worst, it is the person who saves you when you didn’t even notice that you needed saving, mostly it is the person who accepts you for who you are, and the person that you are becoming."

Tan Huey Li

Communication is Power

Many may think that they are strong enough to resist the influence of impressive communication skills. But little do they know, we are all extremely vulnerable to the power of communication. It is somewhat terrifying how a person with the right self-presentation skills, group interaction and leadership skills, and presentation skills are able to get large groups of people to do just what they want!

Examples of this can be seen throughout history. One of these examples would be the Jonestown Massacre.

"In the mid-1970s, several hundred members of the Peoples Temple, a California-based religious cult, emigrated to Guyana under the guidance of their leader, Reverend Jim Jones. Their aim was to found a model interracial community, called Jonestown, based on "love, hard work and spiritual enlightenment." In November 1978, Congressman Leo Ryan of California flew to Jonestown to investigate reports that some of the members were being held against their will. He visited the commune and found that several residents wanted to return with him to the United States. Reverend Jones agreed they could leave, but as Ryan was boarding a plane, he and several other members of his party were shot and killed by a member of the Peoples Temple, apparently on Jones's orders. On hearing that several members of Ryan's party had escaped, Jones grew despondent and began to speak over the public address system about the beauty of dying and the certainty that everyone would meet again in another place. The residents lined up in a pavilion in front of a vat containing a mixture of Kool Aid and cyanide. According to a survivor, almost all of the residents drank willingly of the death solution. At least eighty babies and infants were given poison by their parents, who then drank it themselves. More than eight hundred people died, including Rev.Jones."

- Fifth edition Social Psychology

Upon reading this, I found the phrase "Communition is Power" to be extremely true. This power is divided into 6 types and they all explain the actions of the eight hundred people who let Jim Jones lead them to their deaths.

1. Legitimate power

When others believe you have a right- by virtue of position- to influence or control their behaviors.

Reverend Jones, as head of the Peoples Temple, was believed to have the right to tell the people what they should do to achieve happiness. It was his position that made his words believable even to adults with matured minds.

2. Referent power

When others wish to be like you.

Many would like to believe that Rev.Jones was a monstrous man and looked that way too. But pictures show that he was an attractive, charismatic young man. He was always well dressed and carried himself very well. He projected the image of a person everyone admired and wished to be like and so they took his words to heart.

3. Reward power

When you control the rewards that others want.

After the horrifying massacre, Jonestown was raided and survivors were interviewed. It was found that Jim Jones allowed his people only small amounts of plain rice to eat and kept eggs, soft drinks and other food items in his own private fridge to use as rewards for the people who serve him. With him holding a reward so important to the mass of hungry people, it is understandable that they listen to everything he said!

4. Coercive power

When you have the ability to administer punishments to or remove rewards from others when they do not do as you wish.

It is also found that those in Jonestown who disobeyed or attempted to escaped were beaten or even drugged and caged. After witnessing this, most people would simply give up and just go along with whatever Jim Jones and his men said.

5. Expert power

When others see you as having expertise or special knowledge.

The members of the Peoples Temple believed Reverend Jim Jones's words the way normal Christians believe the words of their pastor. They believed that Reverend Jones was an expert on and had special knowledge about their religion and god and so they listened to everythig he said.

6. Information power

When others see you as having the ability to communicate logically and persuasively.

It is said that Jim Jones had amazing public speaking skills. For every thing he did, every thing he made his people do, he came up with a reason that made sense to them. After being on the receiving end of his speeches for so long, they started seeing him as a reasonable, logical person and believed everything he said.

After some analyzing, you will realize that the actions of those 800 people were horrifying, but not unbelievable, and not without reason. Scary, isn't it? That one person with impressive communication skills has managed to cause the greatest single loss of American civilian life in a non-natural disaster until September 11th.

Tan Huey Li